This is all the things I need to hear and right on time! But it feels like the gentle wake up call on a yoga retreat. And I do relate to Cali being the place of self discovery and growth but also a catalyst for leaving the place itself. It is just too much in all the ways but somehow not enough for what I needed when I left. I needed safe and stable when I left. I moved there in my first marriage and left because it was not the nurturing place I needed when that marriage ended. The house we lived in last burned in a wildfire recently— decades since I burned that marriage to ashes when I finally realized how abusive it was. My child and I ended up where I grew up, but the choice was intentional this time. Choosing the place I’d wanted to flee asap as a young adult was humbling, but made me see the qualities that made it a good home for me as a child. Another happy personal earthquake in the form of a new husband uprooted us again. I love hearing more of your origin story and can’t wait for August in Writing in the Dark- I hope your lovely readers here will come play with us!
Emily, that's so interesting about California. I am happy I experienced it. I remember grieving (I didn't call it grieving back then, just intense sadness) the lack of wild deciduous trees. Cali taught me how important wild nature is to me. I do love the desert, but I love black earth and falling leaves a whole lot more. On a trip to Big Bear one time just to see trees, I told my husband everything felt so "manufactured quaint" . That became a rallying call for us; we never wanted to live in a place again that manufactured quaintness for quaintness' sake.
Your intentional choice of leaving Cali to return with your own child to your childhood home is something I understand viscerally.
Oh, the metaphors of the burning house... a burning container.... wait....!!!!
I love all of this!! “ I love black earth”!!! And burning container!!!! Thanks for that connection. I am in Utah right now, and seeing new mountains and new ways of green and salt and lake. Thanks for making me feel connected to the home that is me while far away from my usual container. 💜
I believe the reason there are so many calling for co-creating community is that we are witnessing the distintegration, division and separation going the other way. So, good on you and for all those who are working together to restore welfare for the common good. There is strength in numbers.
There is much to consider here. I can look back and see ways in which I have started and restarted and restarted again, and ways in which I have not. There are ways in which I am tied to places I am now that I will not sever, even though I would like to move, and so I have been thinking about how we can find the extraordinary no matter where we are or what we're doing (or have to do). Leaving the US or my particular place in it is not an option for me (because of the people I will not leave), so I'm thinking about how those of us rooted to things we cannot leave (people, places, physical limitations, etc) can still transform our circumstances. Can find the extraordinary within situations that are/seem mediocre at best.
There is so much extraordinary within the ordinary. To take a phrase from Jeannine, it requires a close read - of situation and circumstance. The place doesn't matter as much as the awareness within that place. Those of us who have started and started again have an advantage - we can view each new start with a close read to see where it feels right and where it feels challenging. And we can work, create, grow from there. Much love.
You can!!!! Leaving is not the only way or the best way. It’s one way and you must be called to that. If you were called, you would know it. But the are many ways to grow. The changes might be internal. But still powerful. I am cheering you on!
This makes me smile because Ive been allergic to / terrified of mediocrity my whole life. I only want what is authentic and beautiful and for me that could be a crumbling stucco wall . Its certainly not sheetrock ! The minute something becomes popular that Ive been doing, I drop it. I want nothing to do with it. Of course this has not always been in my best interest, but if it becomes trendy, the quality drops to the lowest common denominator and it becomes mediocre! In 1973 in Iowa City, Iowa, I took my first yoga class in handmade muslin drawstring pants and a t-shirt, later a Danskin leotard with the pants. We did yoga on blankets in a church basement lined up like sardines in a can, Nag Champa infusing the room with its earthy scent with Barbara, the teacher I have forever tried to recreate, but is irreplaceable for me. I continued with yoga until around 2000 when Time Magazine had a model on the cover in her yoga clothes, which were now branded lycra, not muslin and t-shirts, exclaiming “The hottest exercise trend is yoga!”
Kiss of death. It’s never been the same. So I quit. Of course there are secret pockets of authentic yoga practices, but the mediocre ones prevail. And quitting yoga surely hurt me more than hurting the trend. Full disclosure, Im looking and hoping my first yoga teacher is somewhere teaching or reincarnated in Italy!
YOGA PANTS AS METAPHOR!!! I know exactly what you mean. I think my moment of supreme yoga annoyance came in the form of Lululemon. 😂. When I was visiting my sister in Philly a few years back (right before Covid) I went with her to her yoga class, which was in one of those old gymnasium type rooms - I believe it was formerly a school. Everyone was dressed every which way and there was no matching equipment. The teacher was an earth child who rented that space to teach. It was gorgeous. I loved it and never forgot it. Thank you for this.
You are so right about the sleepwalking Diana. Most of us are autipiloting our way through life. It reminds me of The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, 'are you *aware*?'
Funny that Cali also gave me that kick: Silicon Valley (ca 1990, when it was still relatively harmless) was the last place I lived in the US. Within months of my relocation from the east coast, I was plotting my escape. It took two years to declare myself ready, but I left husband, horses, house, cats, car and moved to Europe to discover my life.
PS It meant so much to me to read about and see photos of the restoration of the Grand Hall of Detroit’s Michigan Central Train Station by Dana McMahan. I saw it before it was restored. I'm always rooting for Detroit.
This is all the things I need to hear and right on time! But it feels like the gentle wake up call on a yoga retreat. And I do relate to Cali being the place of self discovery and growth but also a catalyst for leaving the place itself. It is just too much in all the ways but somehow not enough for what I needed when I left. I needed safe and stable when I left. I moved there in my first marriage and left because it was not the nurturing place I needed when that marriage ended. The house we lived in last burned in a wildfire recently— decades since I burned that marriage to ashes when I finally realized how abusive it was. My child and I ended up where I grew up, but the choice was intentional this time. Choosing the place I’d wanted to flee asap as a young adult was humbling, but made me see the qualities that made it a good home for me as a child. Another happy personal earthquake in the form of a new husband uprooted us again. I love hearing more of your origin story and can’t wait for August in Writing in the Dark- I hope your lovely readers here will come play with us!
Emily, that's so interesting about California. I am happy I experienced it. I remember grieving (I didn't call it grieving back then, just intense sadness) the lack of wild deciduous trees. Cali taught me how important wild nature is to me. I do love the desert, but I love black earth and falling leaves a whole lot more. On a trip to Big Bear one time just to see trees, I told my husband everything felt so "manufactured quaint" . That became a rallying call for us; we never wanted to live in a place again that manufactured quaintness for quaintness' sake.
Your intentional choice of leaving Cali to return with your own child to your childhood home is something I understand viscerally.
Oh, the metaphors of the burning house... a burning container.... wait....!!!!
Much love and have a beautiful week, friend.
I love all of this!! “ I love black earth”!!! And burning container!!!! Thanks for that connection. I am in Utah right now, and seeing new mountains and new ways of green and salt and lake. Thanks for making me feel connected to the home that is me while far away from my usual container. 💜
I believe the reason there are so many calling for co-creating community is that we are witnessing the distintegration, division and separation going the other way. So, good on you and for all those who are working together to restore welfare for the common good. There is strength in numbers.
Yes - division and isolation requires us to do what is in our power to connect. Thank you for that thought, Gary. It's so important.
There is much to consider here. I can look back and see ways in which I have started and restarted and restarted again, and ways in which I have not. There are ways in which I am tied to places I am now that I will not sever, even though I would like to move, and so I have been thinking about how we can find the extraordinary no matter where we are or what we're doing (or have to do). Leaving the US or my particular place in it is not an option for me (because of the people I will not leave), so I'm thinking about how those of us rooted to things we cannot leave (people, places, physical limitations, etc) can still transform our circumstances. Can find the extraordinary within situations that are/seem mediocre at best.
There is so much extraordinary within the ordinary. To take a phrase from Jeannine, it requires a close read - of situation and circumstance. The place doesn't matter as much as the awareness within that place. Those of us who have started and started again have an advantage - we can view each new start with a close read to see where it feels right and where it feels challenging. And we can work, create, grow from there. Much love.
You can!!!! Leaving is not the only way or the best way. It’s one way and you must be called to that. If you were called, you would know it. But the are many ways to grow. The changes might be internal. But still powerful. I am cheering you on!
I love this Alecia. It's so very true.
💯%!
This makes me smile because Ive been allergic to / terrified of mediocrity my whole life. I only want what is authentic and beautiful and for me that could be a crumbling stucco wall . Its certainly not sheetrock ! The minute something becomes popular that Ive been doing, I drop it. I want nothing to do with it. Of course this has not always been in my best interest, but if it becomes trendy, the quality drops to the lowest common denominator and it becomes mediocre! In 1973 in Iowa City, Iowa, I took my first yoga class in handmade muslin drawstring pants and a t-shirt, later a Danskin leotard with the pants. We did yoga on blankets in a church basement lined up like sardines in a can, Nag Champa infusing the room with its earthy scent with Barbara, the teacher I have forever tried to recreate, but is irreplaceable for me. I continued with yoga until around 2000 when Time Magazine had a model on the cover in her yoga clothes, which were now branded lycra, not muslin and t-shirts, exclaiming “The hottest exercise trend is yoga!”
Kiss of death. It’s never been the same. So I quit. Of course there are secret pockets of authentic yoga practices, but the mediocre ones prevail. And quitting yoga surely hurt me more than hurting the trend. Full disclosure, Im looking and hoping my first yoga teacher is somewhere teaching or reincarnated in Italy!
YOGA PANTS AS METAPHOR!!! I know exactly what you mean. I think my moment of supreme yoga annoyance came in the form of Lululemon. 😂. When I was visiting my sister in Philly a few years back (right before Covid) I went with her to her yoga class, which was in one of those old gymnasium type rooms - I believe it was formerly a school. Everyone was dressed every which way and there was no matching equipment. The teacher was an earth child who rented that space to teach. It was gorgeous. I loved it and never forgot it. Thank you for this.
Most people would rather be comfortable than happy.
BOOM. TO TRUE.
This was lovely Diana 🤗🩷
Thank you dear Mackenzie!
You are so right about the sleepwalking Diana. Most of us are autipiloting our way through life. It reminds me of The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, 'are you *aware*?'
You are decidedly not autopiloting which is what I 🧡you. I want to dance and move when I read your posts.
Diana!! 😭❤️
Lots to ponder in this essay….brava.
Thank you dear Mary Jane. Have a beautiful week.
Funny that Cali also gave me that kick: Silicon Valley (ca 1990, when it was still relatively harmless) was the last place I lived in the US. Within months of my relocation from the east coast, I was plotting my escape. It took two years to declare myself ready, but I left husband, horses, house, cats, car and moved to Europe to discover my life.
PS It meant so much to me to read about and see photos of the restoration of the Grand Hall of Detroit’s Michigan Central Train Station by Dana McMahan. I saw it before it was restored. I'm always rooting for Detroit.
What a positive objective you have to share with us all! Such a joy!