There will only be ashes. So to that end, I implore you to ignite your creative love and burn it brightly
Creating is the most important thing you will do because it will bring you to love.
When we create, we draw from the large, multi-dimensional crystal of our failures and joys, working out what we couldn’t work out before, healing from the anguish of the past, or at least using the anguish to push ourselves into a new heart space.
We long for what we believe hasn’t yet been by putting something in the world that has not yet existed. Creating is a snowflake. It’s got our individual secret pattern that no one else can duplicate. It’s giving birth to an idea whose existence depends solely our own determination to see it through. Maybe anguish has pushed us into creating something entirely different than we thought we would. Planning is not always the friend of creativity. Sometimes letting go and seeing what happens will bring us further than the best laid plans.
Some of my best creations have come out of very dark places. One of the worst parts of deep depression is not caring about or being able to go about creating. Just making the bed seems an impossible task, drawing too much energy, leaving only exhaustion in its wake. Don’t leave me here where I can do nothing, be nothing, make nothing is the wild call into frightful darkness where millions of others have called before. The only bliss is in those few seconds after waking, before the heartache returns.
A depressed heart is a seeking heart. It surely does not feel that way, I know, but it’s true. It’s a heart trying to find its way out of the darkness that is uncertainty. The light, which seems so impossibly far away, is the hope that propels us forward, even when the advances are almost imperceptible.
Uncertainty can manifest in heartache and anxiety. But it’s also rocket fuel for possibility. How can we possibly build a bridge between these two truths and move ourselves out of pain into hope?
What I do know is that in moments of crushing anxiety, the smallest act of creativity from the dark is larger than the painting of the Sistine Chapel and a tiny step in the direction of the light will move love closer by miles.
Creating from a hurt heart is a chant to be met with love. Love is the bridge that brings us from anxiety to possibility.
Lght is love and you are the conduit to the source - and I know that because I am also the conduit to the source. We’re all in this together, in this creation of all things love. Tiny steps when the pain is overwhelming are so important because you will be met with love for showing up. You don’t have to prove anything to any one. Just show up. See that love is there for us.
The sun literally shines for us.
I found that things became a lot easier when I no longer expected to win.
Leonard Cohen
We tell ourselves stories all the time about how it should be. About how life should look. We all want to win at living, but here’s the thing. Sometimes winning doesn’t look like winning at all. Sometimes it masquerades as losing a job, getting our hearts broken, making big mistakes we’re sure we’ll never recover from. Sometimes we think we’re doing everything right in life and end up with something that feels awful.
Sometimes our ego just completely fucks us over.
You know, love will bring you to where you need to be, regardless what you think. And that, my friend, that is when you experience your fully creative heart. When your ego has been decimated enough and you can’t think of finding another way, you will find another way. And that way will be your way - it won’t look like anything you ever thought possible.
The minute you think you have it figured out, you’ll get a knock over the head with another opportunity to see how you don’t. For me, that’s the most fertile place to create from. From the place of “I don’t know shit but let me just try this thing….” Just try from that place of why not let love come in this way?
When I’m in this heart space, I sure don’t know, or care, what the outcome will be. But I do know that it’s the only to get to the next level.
Next level of what? I have no idea, actually. And that’s what makes it all so delicious. The endless possibilities of an open heart, a creative mind, and an active body.
I do know that one day in the not too far distance, this earthy, soft, mossy, messy, confusing, beautiful incarnation will no longer be ours. And between now and then, even if then is tomorrow, why not leave a footprint in our own ashes that says this was how I lived love.
Wouldn’t that be enough winning at life?
So beautiful! Enjoyed reading this. ❤️😘
Diana - so incredibly beautiful...and this: I do know that one day in the not too far distance, this earthy, soft, mossy, messy, confusing, beautiful incarnation will no longer be ours. And between now and then, even if then is tomorrow, why not leave a footprint in our own ashes that says this was how I lived love...just printed for my little wall of reminders...🌟